Margo's Road To Recovery

insert your own title

May 13^th,

Wow……2 more sessions of adriamycin ,  (probably not spelling it right still, don’t care). 

First of all though Wow….what a great turn out at Race for the Cure.  Congrats to those that pull that stunt off.  Geez…all those bodies…all those t-shirts….all that pink.  And thanks to everyone of you.

I now know first hand what good the monies raised from events like that do.  A Stage 3 breast cancer years ago would have left me far worse for the wear if it weren’t for the tremendous strides in treatments they’ve made.  And it's not done without proper funding.  Thanks to all those individuals and companies and the volunteers who raise those dollars

I now also understand the benefits of community.  It gave me just that much more strength to see and to hear from the hundreds of survivors at the Race. 

It’s past my bedtime, but I’m a little stoked just writing about the Race and the support I’ve gotten in my journey.  And I’m not even half way through.  I can only imagine what more I have to learn about love, friendship and sacrifice. 

My daughter sent my this quote and I do appreciate it more today than a year ago.

"Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us."

Pema Chodron

My daughter also wants me to quit titling these blogs with “road and car” metaphors.  So I’m here  to let you all know I’m putting the brakes on that.  I’m not tailgating that theme any more .  I’ll be putting the pedal to the metal to quickly find a new way to title these blogs.  It's “10-4 good buddy” that there will be no more cheesy tie-ins with the Road to Recovery.  I should have my brain lubed.  I should have my head rotated, my heart checked.  But I’ll have to look the entire “Hemi”sphere to find other titles.  Brother can you spare a title.  I might have to put these blogs on some jacks until I can find some other title theme.  And no mutt idea for me, I want a hybrid.  I want something that will give me mileage.  I want……I want …..I want to cruise into bed that’s what I want.  I’m shifting down now.  Hyper-miling so I’ll have enough energy to brush my teeth. 

Love to you all,

Thanks for being here. 

Easing up on the accelerator

April 30^th,

Whew!  What a time it’s been.  I’ve got 15 minutes until our friend Jon and Stew’s son Roy get here.  It’s rather abnormal for us to have visitors, and yet I was thinking just a moment ago how it’s nice to  have some normalcy and welcome guests.   ( unlike the mice and gophers not-so-welcome-guests, but rather normal for country living).  It’s also nice to have a feel good moment to be able to write.  Those haven’t come too often lately. 

To update.  We’re , (the phone rings, one of the planting crew, ) grandparents.  Ok,  Stew’s a grandparent.  I’m too young to have a son that old.  Not that I’m too old for grandparenting.  Anyway

Chad

and DesiRae are now parents to Elliot Stewart. 

Roy

’s coming home from

Australia

enroute to

Alaska

to work on his doctorate.

And I’m cooking dinner.  Not bad for a Wednesday.  Actually that’s what I’ve found is that when I have a good day like to today.  Take advantage.  Last Thursday which is Chemo day, I took Stew out for a dinner date, because our week-ends are just lousy.  I’m not feeling well enough for much of anything.  The dinner out was the best therapy ever.  Chemo day for me actually works out to be a feel good day.  The effects of the Adriamicyn don’t kick in until Friday or Saturday.  We’ve been so uptight with the (phone rings again,  it’s Marisa - my daughter, then Todd- my brother) treatments and the business and my lack of energy and the list goes on.  We needed some downtime away from the house which is also the office. 

Lessons learned lately:

Down time is good.

The most important thing you can control is your breathing.

Everyone’s thoughts and prayers are so important and I’m so grateful.

And Kale and dandelions make a delightful centerpiece. 

Looking forward to seeing you all at the Komen race for the cure.  My plan is to spend the few days before that Saturday resting up so I can make it. 

On the road again

I realize it's been a month now since I last blogged.  It's been a real bear lately.  I have not been in the mood for writing.  I'm still not really.  Today however I thought I'd try.  Iin the process I ran across a letter I wrote my mom on one unusually tough day and I wanted to share it with you. 

Dear Mom,

I’m up this morning aching thru every pore, I’m not sure why.  Today (Wednesday) was my best day. I didn’t have to take nausea medicine (last week I couldn’t spell naousea).  But I woke up about midnight and felt like I’d been hit by a Mac truck.  And restless.  So I took a bath and read a little more in Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat Pray  Love”.   She’s in

India

right now and learning about the divinity inside her.  I won’t go into it right now, but the reading made me think of you. 

She was looking for a living guru and I realize that I have a living guru in my life and she is you.  I’m so blessed right now to be able to channel your spirit and grace, patience and love, and tremendous insight through my blogging.  I have so many women responding and I hope that it helps just a few.  I was going for just one, but I really think many others will benefit from my (our) lessons.

I wanted to tell you this so you won’t be mad anymore.  While this is rough and I really feel for Stew, it’s not all bad.  In the end it probably will have saved my life. 

I love you

In other news.  Stew is bald.  Shaved for the cause.  I’m not bald yet, but I have a wig.  Looks gorgeous.  I’m wearing it, because it’s easier than fixing my hair.  The wig thing and a couple of great buys at Ross dress for less has really picked up my spirits.  That has helped a lot.  I have to remember the connect between mind and body.  Look good feel good thing. 

I love you still

Margaret Margo Rose

Passing lane - come around come around

March 18^th

“It’s not my youth I wasted,….it’s my old age that wasted me.”

                                             Margaret Margo Rose Vaughn Nelson Churchwell, circa 2057

And with that I put on the fighting gloves and…......

relax.  Take care of me and thank those who gave me permission to choose options, to choose slowing down, to choose to say “not at this time” to myself.  I’m choosing the healthier lifestyle. No not the phony low fat, no sugar that only comes in packages lifestyle, I’m choosing to slow down, to rest, take in breaths, and be aware of life.

I have to in order to survive this and live to say those immortal words when I’m 95 years old.

Tearing up (the road)

March 11, 2008

Still hanging in there, although my poor husband must be at the end of his rope.  Somebody should take him out.  I mean somebody should take him out for a drink or something….not “out”.  Not like a Soprano thing. 

The problem is all these drugs and toxins we’re pumping in the body to kill any cancer that thought about hanging around after we cut it out, is now affecting my typically spunky mood. ( i.e. I’m crying all the time.)  And I add for no good reason.  An ant might have crossed my path, probably didn’t see it, but I break out in a big ol’ tear fest.  The sun rises and there I go again, the dam bursting. 

Maybe I have something from my past that really needs to get out.  Or maybe, there’s some really screwy thing going on with some brain chemicals that I can’t spell or pronounce.  That’s something I’m going to tackle at my next doctor’s appointment.

In the meantime, the hair is going.  Funny I never thought I had much hair to begin with, but when you start losing it, it’s everywhere.  Great story my care nurse told me about one patient who was going through chemo.  She started losing her hair.  Called her girlfriend in tears.  Girlfriend said “I’ll be right over”.  Girlfriend shows up in a convertible.  She takes the gal for a ride on the freeway so her hair could just blow out.  Cool huh? 

Okay here’s the other thing about losing my hair, the guys at work, love ‘em.  Tracy, K.J.,  Larry, (yea you make the connection to the other 3 of a kind with a Larry)  are considering shaving their heads in support.  I love that they’d even think of that, but really I told them.  “We’re the ones that have to look at your bald head.  Is that really what you want?”  I told them they could start something new like not wearing socks now until the Komen Race for the Cure.  I guess if they don’t like that idea we can all be grateful that they don’t choose to go shirtless now until May 10^th.